square one

its just a couple of minutes ago that my head stopped spinning from all the things that's been happening. i took a deep breath, and it's back to square one for me.

i'm in san francisco, just got here from the sin city, and my parents confiscated my phone for a day. being a pessimist by nature, i expected it to be like, longer, if not forever. my inbox was the primary target, and it wasnt so much for my relationship that they got mad, it was because i spent "so much money" on overseas text messages, when they told me not to. i had to admit that it scared the shit out of me, that i had to run over the men's cap section in marshalls to hide, replay what just happened in my head, and ask myself, now what?

did i mention that my dad texted rich and told him not to text or call me there anymore? that's supposed to be the end of the story, but..while having breakfast at ihop on a gloomy day, my mom pipes up that rich texted to say his apologies and even wish us well.

so i bowed my head down, resumed eating my blueberry pancakes, and let a little smile peek out of my scowl. i mean, rich wouldnt have done that 14 months ago. i'm so proud of him. teehee. :)

i know the i'm-phone-less-but-not-because-it-was-misplaced-or-stolen feeling. i know it all too well. but now, 10000 miles away, it's so sob-worthy. but, i have my phone back right now, thank goodness. so freakin thankful. i just need a few days to readjust and try not to shudder everytime i lift the flip. haay.


...why do i get the feeling that i'm going to find the motivation that i'm looking for here, in the states? every step that i take (i got a new pair of chucks by the way..hehe), i feel i'm getting closer to what i really want. maybe it's the feeling after you've made an escape, that sense of hope that something new's about to come..and rescue me from this crazy, tangled life of mine. for sure i dont know what's going to happen, but i know it wont be long 'til i look for another escape route.

struggling in the water is easier for me now, than straightening the cord which will be much more painful for me. i've got a lot of choices to make, but right now i'm still a half worn-out refugee. i'll keep running away, 'til i find myself in square one again...just like yesterday.



can't you tell i'm in no mood to say something about the golden gate yet? >_<
i miss you babe. *apir*